Monthly Archives: May 2006

Alcohol abuse

Being drunk is no excuse for acting like an absolute $@*& (insert expletive of choice). Sadly last night was one of those moments of sheer obnoxiousness that you wish happened in a dream rather than reality. Perhaps I shouldn’t drink for a while. I’m so sorry :(


I’m off to my cousin’s wedding today, have been quite looking forward to it because it’s been YEARS since I went to a wedding. There were actually two in the past couple years, but one I missed due to post-graduation holiday and the other I was in Canada for and couldn’t afford to fly home and back. Evidently my family didn’t want me home THAT much as an offer of travel expenses was never extended! I was informed by my Nan that I would be lynched if I didn’t make the next wedding though, so I see this as both a moral obligation as well as a, er, sponsored drink-a-thon :)

Other exciting news – my new keyboard came today, a spaceship-esque Microsoft Natural Ergonomic Keyboard 4000. Wow, the marketing department did a good job with that catchy title didn’t they? Anyways, a fairly standard replacement for my aging and somewhat sticky (the key action, you filth) Fellowes Microsoft knock-off. One can’t price the value of one’s health. It slays me to see all these people in offices using the little prop-up stands that come on every keyboard out there. Increasing the angle of the keys is about the WORST thing you can do for you hands. I try to tell them… To be honest it’s stupid of the manufacturers to put them there in the first place.

Anyhoo, I better go put my threads on. Aquascutum and Daks are the order of the day ;) latersss.


Whenever I know I don’t have to wake up for anything, I just CANNOT go to bed early.. It’s like a condition or something. This evening (or weekend even) I felt shattered, yet it’s 2am and here I am still awake, ruining my “normal” sleeping schedule that’s it’s taken months of working to get into. Doh. How quickly good work can be undone. I’m promising myself I’m waking up early tomorrow to get on with sorting out my life, but that’s fine – I always profess that sleep is for pussies. Guess I’ll just have to suck it up…

So irresponsible.


Two nights ago, whilst lying awake in bed during a not-so-uncommon-yet-not-regular-enough-to-be-an-issue bout of feeling low, emotionally, I found solace in the words of The Knife’s seminal ‘Heartbeats’:

One night to be confused,
One night to speed up truth,
We had a promise made,
Four hands and then away,
Both under influence,
We had divine scent,
To know what to say,
Mind is a razorblade.

To call for hands of above, to lean on,
Wouldn’t be good enough for me, no.

One night of magic rush,
The start: a simple touch,
One night to push and scream,
And then relief,
Ten days of perfect tunes,
The colours red and blue,
We had a promise made.
We were in love.

To call for hands of above, to lean on,
Wouldn’t be good enough for me, no.

To call for hands of above, to lean on,
Wouldn’t be good enough.

And you..
You knew the hand of a devil.
And you..
Kept us awake with wolves teeth,
Sharing different heartbeats,
In one night..

To call for hands of above, to lean on,
Wouldn’t be good enough for me, no.

To call for hands of above, to lean on,
Wouldn’t be good enough…

I don’t know how anyone can not feel touched by this combination of words & melody. I was actually listening to José Gonzalez’ recent re-rub, given that it’s rather more blissed out and tranquil than the original (and due to the time of day/night), but it’s very hard to choose a favourite of the two versions. I’m intrigued by different people’s reactions to the song, when listening I feel like there’s a deep rooted optimism in the song; that it conjures memories of good times gone by, yet others have said they think it’s extremely sad.. Perhaps their interpretation of memories is somewhat different to mine, yet the feeling is indeed the same. Who knows.

For some reason bed seems a particularly lonely place for me right now. I’m not sure if that’s due to renewed questioning of my direction, or just that I’ve fucked up my sleeping schedule over the weekend, but I feel like sitting in a New York café, watching life pass me by. I’m not sure why NYC was the place in my mind, must be the bustle, but I think the image is of wondering what other people are worrying about instead of focussing on my own concerns.. Losing oneself in the throng, surrounded by humanity.

As a pleasant coincidence, tonight (same deal) has allowed me to rediscover the wonderful melodies of Madonna’s ‘Ray of Light’ album – a masterpiece of production by William Orbit. Whether that’s sufficient compensation for lying awake, I’m not convinced.

Still, we shall remain upbeat…