There’s been so much I could have written about this week yet have not found the time to sit and document it. One of the problems is that literary inspiration has come at entirely the wrong time, for example at the point of dropping off where I’m like, “should I get up and do something different? Or will I fall asleep if I continue lying here just a few more seconds?” one day I’m sure it might be possible to transmit thoughts directly to blog, but maybe that’s a fair few iterations on from web 2.0. I feel it’s a shame that good ideas have gone to waste, especially when I find a melody with no opportunity to capture it, as then anyone who reads this would not be subjected to such drivel, but I also don’t want to feel compelled to post anything just for the sake of it, as after all it’s hardly compulsory. Anyway…
A couple of times this week I’ve struggled to sleep, which is fairly uncharacteristic for me. Last Sunday I was absolutely shattered and knew that I had to rest up to be ok for work the next day, but it just wasn’t happening. My mind was awash with concerns alongside everyday miscellania, so much so that I just couldn’t switch off. Thankfully most of it has either been dealt with or subsided, but it was most welcome to have a day off on Friday and be free of alarm induced consciousness considering the rest of the week’s sub 6 hour sleeps.
The soundtrack to my life is strong as ever. The other day I turned off the radio in the car so as not to interfere with the music in my head. I wish oh wish that I could find the determination required to commit the 4 or more tracks I have in production to solid state, but I think that’s going to be an activity that will have to wait until the Christmas layoff, as during the weeks I just don’t have the energy required to do justice to the material. Of course there’s still the issue that mixdown and mastering is so much less fun than the creative process, but that’s by the by :) I feel like the quality of my ideas increases track by track, and to have my ‘dream’ realised would just be amazing.
Hanging around at home is, as expected, breeding apathy regarding the future. The path that was clearly laid out before me on my return is being clouded by doubts and questioning, yet I must keep my resolve and not succumb to lapsing into states of mind that I should have abandoned forever. There’s still no clarity, but at least I have a good idea of what I’m trying to avoid… The question over what next is increasingly pressing I suppose, considering that by my own ideals I will be out of a job in mid-January (job, ha).
Fly me down the river.